losololosolo

shout out to lo for making me delete things today - i.e. my overanalyzation skills need an overhaul.


got to spend a beautiful sunday morning (well, and a saturday night, for that matter... watched black swan... stupid.) with lifeys - always good. 


first pres. luke 21. sinclair ferguson. the Word of God. 


tech rehearsal where my semi-ok character got an overhaul of its own.  i am now part head honcho part butchmaster part conflicted. awesome.


superbowl party which consisted way less of superbowl and way more of eating some really good dip and talking to michael mcfadden and other fun peeps.


snuggle session with lauren solomon instead of studying.  convo that i really needed.  i'm silly.  and scared of taking this kind of risk.  but of COURSE want to at the same time. oh geez.


and here ya go - the soundtrack of my week has been some good ol' Ingrid Michaelson - this is a cute one: 

Cairo

Right now, craziness is going on in Cairo and I admit I don't (hardly ever) watch the news, so I wouldn't know much about it except for the justice seeking dedication of my friend, Tyler Johnson.  If you think no one's been changed by your pleas for us to take notice, be encouraged that I've noticed.  


Furthermore, I just got the opportunity to read Ashley Rhoderick's blog, Streams in the Desert, which was a really great outlook on what's going on.  Ashley was a senior during my freshman year at USC and I knew her through Campus Crusade.  She's had a heart for the Middle East and lived in Beirut and Lebanon, I believe, before moving to Cairo to be an Engineering intern there.  Take a look at her latest blog post to get an eyewitness account to be living in Cairo right now, a city under siege from within.

in absence of feeling literary...

don't have much eloquence today, but i AM supposed to be studying for a Russian test, so naturally i DO have an impetus for writing at least a little blurb.


i think i actually may not get an A on my Russian test tomorrow.  that's probably good for me.
why did i just now discover listening to Russian talk radio? coulda helped me a lot.


starting my Tuesday mornings with Toni each week is a MAJOR blessing in my life.  this particular Tuesday was made even better by getting to share it with Amie as well.


prayer is really powerful.  and important.  and necessary.  more than you know.


my interviewing stuff is over for Fulbright and CLS and now i just have to wait.  i'm SO ok with that.


my show is literally in a week - that caught me off guard in more ways than one.  also, the subject matter is a little intense.  each day i go in and become a lifer under maximum security, i wonder if the role i'm playing is ok, or if it's just that i'm getting desensitized to the fact that it's not a good reflection of who i am. when portraying the depravity of sin without offering redemption, is it possible that the audience will go so far as to draw a righteous conclusion? i'm not so sure.  i'm also not so sure for specific reasons.  hope that conversation goes okay.


if you haven't listened to either Running in Circles by United Pursuit Band or You Have Me by Gungor, you should.


im just now starting to clue in to what i've graciously been hearing lately - that while i am indeed nothing and can offer the equivalent of... <really> filthy rags as far as serving the King of the universe goes, the same Spirit who created the world and wrote the Bible lives within me.  oh, please help me to listen and obey.  to sit at your feet, to let you speak instead of taking over.  you know the hearts and struggles of myself and those with whom i do life.  you know what they need, what i need.  


oh yeah, and hey - i'm thankful.  it's good.  it's a lot  more REAL than i thought, which is both complicated and genuine and challenging, but it's worth it, regardless of the result.


ok.  now i should go and really try to grasp a slight understanding of the usage of perfective and imperfective verbs.  WHY do i have to purvey facebook for 2 hours and get coffee before i get settled?  i'm thinking real life will not be so forgiving or flexible... buuut then again... this one right now's all i've got, so i should go.


stream of consciousness much?

Oh my...

So, here I sit feeling quite sheepish in my pajamas, headphones in my ear, listening to Russian Talk Radio. I probably catch every 4th word... 
I pretty much just got lovingly chastised for not making my Russian a priority right now, even though my Fulbright interview is on Monday.  RIGHTLY SO, as I just had a practice telephone conversation with Maia Vladimirovna, and realized how much I would have COMPLETELY failed, had I tried to do this interview without her... yikes.  So, while she is willing (actually, she said she felt compelled) to speak with me every day this weekend, I also feel really silly and like a little kid who didn't clean their room... I think she was more "compelled" because she realized there's no way I would pass if I didn't get my butt in gear and try to salvage any chance I have by practicing with her more.  I need to make this a priority, create a language environment for myself, and think, speak, listen, breathe in Russian this weekend, at least until Monday at 10am.  
Oh, did I mention that I'm going to be AWAY this weekend supposedly relaxing at Family Vacation with Midtown?  Yeah... not really sure how that's going to work.  Talk about "creating a language environment" at a Myrtle Beach retreat center with a bunch of loud, excited, rowdy Midtown family.  I kinda want to throw up, thinking about how UNprepared I could have been, wondering if I'll get any more prepared in 3 days... is that even possible??
Oh my.  Of course, I know that all of this is bigger than my little interview.  BUT, at the same time, the Lord has given me ability and resources, and he probably appreciates when I use them to the best of my ability, not just try to slide by.  I mean, it's not like I thought I had this in the bag, but I also haven't been writing papers and listening to Talk Radio in Russian either until this point.  
Oi.  I feel a little crazy.  a little stupid.  a little like I just disappointed someone who really matters.  a little like the last kid picked for the team.  a little like the stupidest kid in class.
Whoops.

a nice friday

grin.
from ear to ear.
it's silly... yet right, pure.
deep breath, heart pulse.
Spirit, your glory is beautiful.
beautiful enough for me to see it in this,
a portrait, a picture, a painting,
a shade of You.
flicker.  
mind racing, memorizing words.
emulating those caught, kept.
Your voice is heard throughout,
Your finger's path i follow.
it shows me patience,
brush strokes more creative 
than i thought i could see.
a gift for now, for always?
my timid toes are wet.
blink.
this way, walk, Your voice whispers,
it makes me know trust.
the glimpse i see is wild and delicate,
like the beating of butterfly wings.
a disciple of grace, 
aware of the vapor, thankful for the flower,
grinning, still.

all i can say right now is

Oh, Jesus, I can't teach on Romans 1. 
Help,
Me.

First post of 2011...

Honestly, I had no idea how I'd restart my blog after being at Passion and since it's the new year - 2011! I think I'll probably write later about, you know - the vision and dreams I have for this year/my apprehension and excitement about all of the change that will come with it, but for now, I really loved reading this song or poem that a fellow blogger recently posted... it all kind of mixes together with what I learned at Passion, Resonate, and what I think this year will probably shape itself around.  (You should read her full post, too - the link's on the bottom of the page.)

The Visionary

The disparity between vision and realization

The now and the not yet

The real and the ideal

Could lead to slight insanity

And despair

If it were not for God

If it were not for heaven

From where else do we derive this sense

Of perfect love

Perfect beauty

Perfect truth?

When I’m lost in a haze

Searching for peace

Wanting to find that place

Where earth and sky meet

He whispers in the still moments

At His feet

It’s through the humble door

Of My loving, boundless, extravagant

Grace

Encouraging Thoughts from Myra Watkins...