hands

tonight, i worked at the theatre and got to watch a broadway show for free.
it was cool and all, but the best thing that i saw happened to not be on the stage at all...
a very old man (you know, one of those cute ones, all dressed up in his suit) was sitting next to me, and as we got into the show a bit of the way through, he so sweetly reached over and took his wife's hand in his.
it's something so simple, and i mean, walking around campus, you see kids walking around holding hands all the time, but it was just so golden to see this 70+ year old man make that gesture... after so many years with that one woman, letting her know that she was his, that she was special, that she was important to him in that moment.  what a difference 50 years can make in the meaning of a simple gesture, right?
so i don't really know the moral of this anecdote... maybe, i want that kind of interaction in my 70s, and maybe, never stop holding hands with the one(s) you love.

her.

Remember your word to your servant, in which you have made me hope. This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life.                         Psalm 119:49-50    

Father, hold her.
Help her to know she can crawl into your arms, that you want so desperately for her to come closer, to finally, finally relax, to let go, to let the scales come off, to let the mummified layers be peeled off to restore the life that lies shaking and crippled beneath.  So much pain for so long is kept trapped, wound so tightly as to never let it breathe, but it comes, seeping through the tattered layers, ready to destroy and disintegrate with a resounding wave of applause by the eyes that watch and taunt and wait.
Spirit, protect her.
Speak to her, that she may know you have already won, those eyes that taunt will forever be silenced, just not now.
Jesus, fight for her.
May she know and feel the freedom you bought for her already.  That grace that comes so freely, the sun, the fountain that flows your love... it hurts at first, I know - but let it crash in and melt the layers and soak the shivering bones and pale flesh that shrinks at the touch of life, the promise of sun.  Let the wind rush in to every hiding corner filled with sand.  May she know that she's in your hand, that her folded body can stretch and sigh and rest.
Father, hold her.

Whoa... sobering. (Procrastination Reblog, Part 2)

I follow Kevin DeYoung's blog, and this was his post for today.  It's sobering to realize/remember that even the "greats" of the theological world were very fallen, too.  It's sad to see how someone with such intelligence toward the meaning and interpretation of the scripture should have paid attention to loving his wife as Christ loves the church... wholeheartedly, with abandon, with sacrifice... and, finally, for those men out there who are married or will be someday, please take note - don't get so "bogged down" with thoughts of good intention that you forget to actually DO it... (James 1:22-25)

Keep a Close Watch on Your Life (and the Good of Your Wife)

A.W. Tozer was a great preacher and a man of God. But–as we all have our inconsistencies–he was not particularly a good husband. He wasn’t physically unfaithful, just emotionally unavailable.

Lyle Dorsett explains:

With a burning desire to learn and a keen sense of educational inadequacy, Tozer began to devote long hours to reading. He not only read a lot, his mind was preoccupied when he was home, as he continually sorted out ideas and wrote articles in his mind when he could not be alone to put them on paper.

By early 1928 the Tozers had a routine. Aiden found his fulfillment in reading, preparing sermons, preaching, and weaving travel into his demanding and exiting schedule, while Ada learned to cope. She dutifully washed, ironed, cooked, and cared for the little ones, and developed the art of shoving her pain deep down inside. Most of the time she pretended there was no hurt, but when it erupted, she usually blamed herself for not being godly enough to conquer her longing for intimacy from an emotionally aloof husband. (A Passion for God, 81)

Tozer refused to visit relatives and “seemed less than delighted if any of them showed up for a visit.” He also neglected family vacations. A.W. Tozer was a man of spiritual stature, but a man of little warmth when it came to his family.

Men, there would be worse ideas than to talk to your wife tonight, maybe your kids too, show them this blog and ask, “Is this me?” Just to be sure.

Okay.  now back to dance history.

since I'm procrastinating on a lovely spring day...

REALLY INTERESTING POST ABOUT 'THE ARTS' AND THE CHURCH

recap? I think not

there's no way i could adequately blog in detail about all that's happened this past week.
that sentence makes it sound like things earth-shattering recently befell me, but of course, these are small hurricanes in my head in comparison.

not seeing my name on a list hurt me, and it shocked how much.
i cried.
and then i pouted. and i had a tiny blow up. and it was weird.
and i went somewhere fun for valentine's day.  i drank french wine.
i received not a rejection, and not an acceptance.  a maybe. and that's weird, too.
i dumped. ashley, rach, linds, lauren, life group.
and then the most amazing thing happened.
the Lord showed me how wonderful his plan is, how blessed i am to be a part of it.
and i remembered my first love.
i remembered that dance or friendships or beautiful weather are nothing more (and nothing less) than more ways for me to see his glory.
and for the past two days, i've been romanced by the God of the universe, and it's been awesome.
and i've had some good conversations, some beautiful times on the horseshoe, some rest, some soaking up good music, some selah.  and it's been good.

Where I was the last two days...

and in the spirit of things, especially my disjointed blog style as of late, here are a few snippets from my week that are particularly notable...

These songs by Audrey Assad

This article on Attraction

{You're like a six...}

Words of wisdom from This Book

And... pics from the show last week

 Friends that came to see me... funny pic

glory

So sometimes, God just wants us to notice Him... or maybe it's not even that, but the the other way around - ALL the time, we just need to notice God. Stop our busy lives. Sit down on a bench or ledge or table outside, and notice. Admire, appreciate, acknowledge. Not because God needs our confirmation, or is just sitting around waiting for compliments (Good job, God - you made something beautiful...), but because he is worthy, because what He's made IS beautiful, maybe even because he made it for us to enjoy. I sat down today for only a few minutes, and I think we should all do that more often. God is amazing. So often we walk right on by... step on all the leaves, ignore the birdsongs, and m iss the beauty, but it's there. So if you have time, find a spot. Take time to thank Jesus for the beauty that he's created. Enjoy the view, the sights and the sounds. Be amazed at the incredible detail that he's put into everything around you. Be amazed that he put so much more detail into creating you, and all the people walking by. They're walking by, and maybe they're missing it all, too...




found this in an old facebook note... looks like i should be taking my own advice ;-/

losololosolo

shout out to lo for making me delete things today - i.e. my overanalyzation skills need an overhaul.


got to spend a beautiful sunday morning (well, and a saturday night, for that matter... watched black swan... stupid.) with lifeys - always good. 


first pres. luke 21. sinclair ferguson. the Word of God. 


tech rehearsal where my semi-ok character got an overhaul of its own.  i am now part head honcho part butchmaster part conflicted. awesome.


superbowl party which consisted way less of superbowl and way more of eating some really good dip and talking to michael mcfadden and other fun peeps.


snuggle session with lauren solomon instead of studying.  convo that i really needed.  i'm silly.  and scared of taking this kind of risk.  but of COURSE want to at the same time. oh geez.


and here ya go - the soundtrack of my week has been some good ol' Ingrid Michaelson - this is a cute one: 

Cairo

Right now, craziness is going on in Cairo and I admit I don't (hardly ever) watch the news, so I wouldn't know much about it except for the justice seeking dedication of my friend, Tyler Johnson.  If you think no one's been changed by your pleas for us to take notice, be encouraged that I've noticed.  


Furthermore, I just got the opportunity to read Ashley Rhoderick's blog, Streams in the Desert, which was a really great outlook on what's going on.  Ashley was a senior during my freshman year at USC and I knew her through Campus Crusade.  She's had a heart for the Middle East and lived in Beirut and Lebanon, I believe, before moving to Cairo to be an Engineering intern there.  Take a look at her latest blog post to get an eyewitness account to be living in Cairo right now, a city under siege from within.

in absence of feeling literary...

don't have much eloquence today, but i AM supposed to be studying for a Russian test, so naturally i DO have an impetus for writing at least a little blurb.


i think i actually may not get an A on my Russian test tomorrow.  that's probably good for me.
why did i just now discover listening to Russian talk radio? coulda helped me a lot.


starting my Tuesday mornings with Toni each week is a MAJOR blessing in my life.  this particular Tuesday was made even better by getting to share it with Amie as well.


prayer is really powerful.  and important.  and necessary.  more than you know.


my interviewing stuff is over for Fulbright and CLS and now i just have to wait.  i'm SO ok with that.


my show is literally in a week - that caught me off guard in more ways than one.  also, the subject matter is a little intense.  each day i go in and become a lifer under maximum security, i wonder if the role i'm playing is ok, or if it's just that i'm getting desensitized to the fact that it's not a good reflection of who i am. when portraying the depravity of sin without offering redemption, is it possible that the audience will go so far as to draw a righteous conclusion? i'm not so sure.  i'm also not so sure for specific reasons.  hope that conversation goes okay.


if you haven't listened to either Running in Circles by United Pursuit Band or You Have Me by Gungor, you should.


im just now starting to clue in to what i've graciously been hearing lately - that while i am indeed nothing and can offer the equivalent of... <really> filthy rags as far as serving the King of the universe goes, the same Spirit who created the world and wrote the Bible lives within me.  oh, please help me to listen and obey.  to sit at your feet, to let you speak instead of taking over.  you know the hearts and struggles of myself and those with whom i do life.  you know what they need, what i need.  


oh yeah, and hey - i'm thankful.  it's good.  it's a lot  more REAL than i thought, which is both complicated and genuine and challenging, but it's worth it, regardless of the result.


ok.  now i should go and really try to grasp a slight understanding of the usage of perfective and imperfective verbs.  WHY do i have to purvey facebook for 2 hours and get coffee before i get settled?  i'm thinking real life will not be so forgiving or flexible... buuut then again... this one right now's all i've got, so i should go.


stream of consciousness much?