Oh my...

So, here I sit feeling quite sheepish in my pajamas, headphones in my ear, listening to Russian Talk Radio. I probably catch every 4th word... 
I pretty much just got lovingly chastised for not making my Russian a priority right now, even though my Fulbright interview is on Monday.  RIGHTLY SO, as I just had a practice telephone conversation with Maia Vladimirovna, and realized how much I would have COMPLETELY failed, had I tried to do this interview without her... yikes.  So, while she is willing (actually, she said she felt compelled) to speak with me every day this weekend, I also feel really silly and like a little kid who didn't clean their room... I think she was more "compelled" because she realized there's no way I would pass if I didn't get my butt in gear and try to salvage any chance I have by practicing with her more.  I need to make this a priority, create a language environment for myself, and think, speak, listen, breathe in Russian this weekend, at least until Monday at 10am.  
Oh, did I mention that I'm going to be AWAY this weekend supposedly relaxing at Family Vacation with Midtown?  Yeah... not really sure how that's going to work.  Talk about "creating a language environment" at a Myrtle Beach retreat center with a bunch of loud, excited, rowdy Midtown family.  I kinda want to throw up, thinking about how UNprepared I could have been, wondering if I'll get any more prepared in 3 days... is that even possible??
Oh my.  Of course, I know that all of this is bigger than my little interview.  BUT, at the same time, the Lord has given me ability and resources, and he probably appreciates when I use them to the best of my ability, not just try to slide by.  I mean, it's not like I thought I had this in the bag, but I also haven't been writing papers and listening to Talk Radio in Russian either until this point.  
Oi.  I feel a little crazy.  a little stupid.  a little like I just disappointed someone who really matters.  a little like the last kid picked for the team.  a little like the stupidest kid in class.
Whoops.