If I really loved you...

If I really loved you,
would I live my life as my own the way that I do?
would I be so austere when I see you on the bus and realize I should ask your name?
would I pretend to not recognize you just because I'm busy and in my own world and don't want to bother?


If I really loved you,
would I let you serve me the way that you do and then only say thanks?
would I keep silent and let a conversation slip lazily by instead of being bold and asking that question?
would I give in and accept our differing views so easily, yet claim to live my life on display?


If I really loved you,
would I laugh at that joke that pokes fun at my friend, or my conviction, or my Maker?
would I give in to the idea that normal is better for me than radical truth?
would I let 4 years slip by without telling you the single most thing that I claim is important to me?


If I really loved you,
would I try to look so much like you that I don't show you who I am?
would I settle for "nice" and yet give you no reason why?
would I dare to let you think that I believe in a mere religion and that the God I serve is not HOLY?


But what do I love instead?
Comfort.
Acceptance.
Myself (more than you).
Reputation.
Image.
Security.
Separateness.
Elitism (gross).
False wisdom.
Pride.


But I want to love you.  Because as disgusting as that list is, and as lukewarm as I've been living, the God of the universe loves me.  I don't know why, and I don't deserve his love at all.  But He knew my wretchedness when he formed me... when He called me to him, when He called me his own.  And He wants you to know him... to know that He loves you... through Me.  I'm sorry that I've done a horrible job.  I'm not as loving as the God I serve, but He's teaching me how... and I'm just now starting to listen. He's also a patient God, by the way.  But first and foremost, He is HOLY.  And He loves you.  


"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God?  You are not your own, for you were bought with a price."  
I Corinthians 5:19-20