listening to the gifts you've given my friends as they warm up through instrument and song
slow jams in soft light - singing of the power of your name
the funny paradox between how much I love gungor/beautiful things and how much Rachel already knows that
Rach's boots on the table, candle flickering
journaling
Tanner's spontaneous solo
a beautiful chorus of OH's
Armfield's arms outstretched, worship in moments of unorganized preparation
wobbly tables, broken walls
unfinished paintings, colors of a sky screaming
christmas twinkle lights
empty chairs soon to be filled by family
red cowgirl boots, soft gel lights
beautiful voices
friends that are family, family that are friends
and then this... God already knew this has been on my mind recently, and in so many ways, he answered my prayers last night, just in choosing to show me more, to teach me and guide me, to give me insight and even more reason to trust him
2 Corinthians 12:1 I must go on boasting. Though there is nothing to be gained by it, I will go on to visions and revelations of the Lord. 2 I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven—whether in the body or out of the body I do not know, God knows.3 And I know that this man was caught up into paradise—whether in the body or out of the body I do not know, God knows— 4 and he heard things that cannot be told, which man may not utter. 5 On behalf of this man I will boast, but on my own behalf I will not boast, except of my weaknesses. 6 Though if I should wish to boast, I would not be a fool, for I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain from it, so that no one may think more of me than he sees in me or hears from me. 7 So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, [1] a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
later, I find myself in the dark and freedom of the back of this "family living room"... arms outstretched, declaring loudly,
God, I trust you!... in that moment, I feel such freedom, because I'm telling him I trust him for so many different things. With confidence, I really do trust him with my future. With joy, even, that I haven't been able to feel or step into before, I trust him with this time in front of me of waiting to know what comes next. Will I lapse into fear? worry? But I don't have to... I have declared that I trust him - I know he has a plan. It even brings me joy to know that I do have this blank slate before me where he will put things in place as they need to come, that he will show me only as much as I need to know... it's freedom and risk at exactly the same time.
... can I trust him to recreate beauty and restore brokenness? can I trust that if I walk this way, he will provide, not "just enough to get by", but in abundance? can I trust that I'm in the right place, that these are the right shoes to be stepping in to? can I trust that whatever purpose he has is what is good and perfect for me - whether it's just a piece of the puzzle or a big part of the picture?
all of these thoughts make me think of the process Rach's painting has been through even in the last three weeks I've seen it... how it has transformed each time - all reflecting the beautiful colors of the sky, but the path lightening, the hills becoming more clear, the hues of its greenery shifting to reflect a new purpose... you're changing me. With each new part of your plan, the scenery looks a little different. But those colors of the sky, they still stretch wildly across, jewel tones that starkly represent something - beauty, mystery, power. Somehow that resonates with me. that, and the sound of my own voice declaring my trust in you... i can almost still hear it...
I trust you. I am willing, I am walking, I am thankful.
