On Sunday we talked in detail about what's going on in the world - namely, the trafficking industry. Adam said something that resonated with me, but it wasn't even really related. I guess not on a surface level, but when I was reminded by a friend that it's really all about brokenness, it makes sense. The Spirit reminded me that just as I see this time at home as an opportunity to pour into someone who has been wronged, I can't give up on the person who hurt her. I can't hide behind the reaction that I want to have, or the reaction that other people will have. I have to remember that he is broken, too... and this may be an opportunity to pour into him as well. It may be that God uses this circumstance for such a time as this with him... not what I had in mind. Not what seems easy, or even, "right".
On Monday, I was taken aback a little bit by the sincerity and passion and emotion of a friend who has seen injustice up close and personal, and was moved to tears that we aren't doing enough - that we don't even know (or care) what we're up against. I was challenged to ask myself if I do what I do to say that I did it, or if I do it because I am TRULY motivated by the gospel. Sure, I can give $15 to Project Rescue, but would I be willing to drop everything and go?
Later I sat in a prayer meeting... and I came across this thing that just keeps confusing me. Yes, I do so want the Kingdom to come, yes, I do want the pain to be over, the tears to be dried... but can I pray for His kingdom to come so soon? As I sit here knowing that I'll be in that kingdom, but so many won't? Can I pray for the race to end, for there to be no more time for anyone else to be let in? Is it better to pray for Him to come so that there is "no more pain", but for those who don't know Him to have pain forever?? I am so confused by this concept. I don't know if I can pray for Him to come back so soon. Of course I hate the injustice. Of course I'm horrified at the Enemy and the way he has twisted the brokenness of people. Of course I want Jesus to bring vengeance and restoration. But God, can we have more time? I think maybe when I was reading the words of Asaph today I was a little comforted that he thought something similar...
How long, O God, is the foe to scoff? Is the enemy to revile your name forever? Why do you hold back your hand, your right hand? Take it from the fold of your garment and destroy them! <<Yet God my King is from of old, working salvation in the midst of the earth.>> Psalm 74: 10-12
I also found this song. I'm really loving the music of Jon Foreman right now... possibly because it's straight out of the Bibliya.
And then there's this thing on my mind. The Lord has been faithful in keeping me on my toes, providing me with people who encourage me to guard my heart. Oh the tightropeline walking of fighting and wandering, though - so tempting. I guess I'm kinda glad that it gave me a knot in my stomach tonight, though... like - Jesus, please keep my eyes on you. Let me trust you - for time, for provision, for guidance, for clarity. Help me to be levelheaded and strong, even when some are... shall I say, giddy?
Well, that's about it for now. I'm going to go try to learn some linguistics. Then, home... Nutcracker, family, Sabbath? Hopefully soon.
