can it be?

I'm going to bed at 11:30 today.

I thought this was blog worthy.

Also, I will see the dear faces of my family and some pretty special Whitacres this weekend.

And, I turned in draft one of Fulbright app today.

Also, I talked to Kellie Sharpe.  Can we say blessing? Indeed.

In other news, I should have gone to the library to study for my Russian test Friday, but I'll have to leave that "bucket list" activity for another time... tomorrow it is.

Farewell.

Sunday

God is really gracious, and he taught me a couple things today...
Humility.
Confession.
Grace.
Forgiveness.
Blessing of friendship.
Good conversation.
Gratitude.
Trust. (per usual)
That's all I have to say about that.

Solitude and Rest

For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel,"In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength." Isaiah 30:15

 Right in the midst of the craziness of a new school year and the busyness of life in general, there's this wonderful little three day weekend tucked into September.  At first, I was a little bummed that I didn't have anything planned, or that I'd be alone for the weekend (roomies gone)... but I have to say, I have never been more thankful for a long weekend with no dominating event and considerable amounts of time in solitude.  Don't get me wrong, I have my fair share of things to accomplish this weekend, and I'm not sequestering myself off without interaction with people, but I am so thankful for the rest, and the opportunity to hang out with people at a leisurely pace.   Some musings from this enjoyable time...

I am so incredibly blessed!  I was reading in Psalms today, along with some notes from my pastor about Psalm 103... he said that we must look backward (on past blessings) in order to go forward (in responsive worship) - which caused me to reflect on all of the ways that the LORD has blessed me (and how much I take them for granted or forget them altogether).  The list is endless, but I was especially grateful for the people He has put in my life, the reconciliation He has shown me, the way He has fostered my desire to understand more of the world, and the challenges in my life that have made me who I am today.

Today's weather was beautiful.  It's the kinda where you're walking down the street, and you can't help but smile, close your eyes and feel the breeze, and look up at the perfectly blue sky.  Several of my friends went to a wedding today, and found myself so excited for the couple that gets to go through such a special ceremony on a day like this.  =)

Even though I've kinda gone through this day at a lazy pace, I've still managed to work on some of those things on my bucket list for this semester.  It's amazing to me how easily I've been able to work on my choreography project and how it's just naturally coming along... I spent some time in the studio doing that today, and then got to chill outside reading the Bible and thanking Jesus while eating some raspberry frozen yogurt at Yoghut.  I stopped at Barnes and Noble on my way home to pick up a copy of Mere Christianity, so that I could get started on it.  I ended up spending awhile reading a biography called Princess about the life of a modern Saudi-Arabian princess, though... it's so heartbreaking to read about what is allowed to be done to these women (and, as the Princess herself stated, in many other places and cultures around the world).

Back home, I got to soak up more sunshine on my back porch and read some good old-fashioned C.S. Lewis... I loved what he had to say in his explanation of Christianity in the context of Denominations (this made me think of a few friends, in their current search for a church home)...

It is more like a hall out of which doors open into several rooms. If I can bring anyone into that hall I shall have done what I attempted. But it is in the rooms, not in the hall, that there are fires and chairs and meals. The hall is a place to wait in, a place from which to try the various doors, not a place to live in. For that purpose the worst of the rooms (whichever that may be) is, I think, preferable.

It is true that some people may find they have to wait in the hall for a considerable time, while others feel certain almost at once which door they must knock at. I do not know why there is this difference, but I am sure God keeps no one waiting unless He sees that it is good for him to wait. When you do get into your room you will find that the long wait has done you some kind of good which you would not have had otherwise. But you must regard it as waiting, not as camping. You must keep on praying for light: and, of course, even in the hall, you must begin trying to obey the rules which are common to the whole house. And above all you must be asking which door is the true one; not which pleases you best by its paint and paneling.

In plain language, the question should never be: "Do I like that kind of service?" but "Are these doctrines true: Is holiness here? Does my conscience move me towards this? Is my reluctance to knock at this door due to my pride, or my mere taste, or my personal dislike of this particular door-keeper?"

When you have reached your own room, be kind to those Who have chosen different doors and to those who are still in the hall. If they are wrong they need your prayers all the more; and if they are your enemies, then you are under orders to pray for them. That is one of the rules common to the whole house.

And now, I suppose, I'll start some homework.  But I'm enjoying some Pandora/screening more music for my choreography at the same time, and the breeze is still blowing, and I'm pretty sure God will be teaching me much throughout this time of rest and solitude.  Awesome.

Hesed, Hephzibah... Hesed.

Thank you Erin Beaver.

Thank you Rachel Whitacre.

Thank you Lauren Solomon.

Thank you Kathy Rabon.

for reminding me of Jesus.  for telling me to go for something that doesn't make sense... except that it doesn't make sense.  for telling me to talk to Jesus.  for speaking truth to me.  for listening.  for pointing out and articulating things that are baffling me right now.  for surrendering to Jesus.  for reminding me of vision.  for pushing me to follow the path I'm on... the very beaten, very less-traveled one.  for reminding me that crazy is relative, and that if I'm looking crazy to most people, I may just be in the right place.  for reminding me of Crazy Love.

And he said, Hesed, Hephzibah, remember my Hesed.

שָׁלוֹם/Shalom

Shalom, in the liturgy and in the transcendent message of the Christian scriptures, means more than a state of mind, of being or of affairs. Derived from the Hebrew root shalam – meaning to be safe or complete, and by implication, to be friendly or to reciprocate. Shalom, as term and message, seems to encapsulate a reality and hope of wholeness for the individual, within societal relations, and for the whole world. To say joy and peace, meaning a state of affairs where there is no dispute or war, does not begin to describe the sense of the term.




My mind is kindof exploding, so all this talk about peace is a really great thing to be dwelling on.
I'm in the library for the third night in a row.  That's all normal, perhaps, for a typical college student, but let me just tell you: today was the FIFTH day of school.  Why is my mind exploding?  The most random combination of things.  Maybe I can give you a picture of my mind's wanderings this evening:


Encouragement of tonight's Life Group-->The perfect Peace of my Savior in the midst of the busiest semester I think I'll ever have in my undergrad career--> Isaiah 26:3-4, a verse I memorized this summer with CHAIRS--> skipping any work on my Grant Proposal--> filling out parts of my online Fulbright Application--> stumped: a question that reads, "What do you plan to do upon your return to the U.S.?"--> Pondering grad schools.  Beyond the idea of going to a school for an MA in TESOL... (because that doesn't sound prestigious enough for my application...)--> MFA in Dance?--> Hollins University MFA, Thaddeus' program...--> Why in the world would I get an MFA in Dance, and what in the heck would I do with it?--> Discovery that Hollins supports an International residency program for its MFA students, and that Anna Kisselgoff is part of the faculty--> Anna Kisselgoff's biography... the woman studied Russian, and I realized that she's my academic/artistic hero--> Hollins' MA in Liberal Studies program browsing--> Wait, how in the world (literally) does that connect with my purpose in life?--> What does God want me to do with all of this?--> Is there a graduate program in Dancer turned Social Justice Worker with a Concentration in Becoming Fluent in Russian in order to Share the Gospel, Travel the World, Participate/Critique the Dance Community and Work with Orphans from Russia and Ukraine? That's the master's program I'll be pursuing after returning to the U.S., Fulbright, thanks for asking.--> Wow, if it was just up to me, I'd be completely lost.  I'd have an endless amount of options that would otherwise be meaningless.--> I serve a God who is in control when I am not (which is always).  He stuns me in that, I can't seem to ever connect the different threads he has running throughout my life.  I don't understand if they are just means to a singular pursuit, or if they are like a braid that actually works simultaneously.-->Not actually freaking out about this... but still quite perplexed at how complex my options could be, and how confusing this process is.  What holds most value in regards to the Kingdom?  What uses the talents that God has given me for the greatest magnification of his glory above all else?-->The need for Peace.--> Recognition and Thanksgiving that HE IS YAHWEH SHALOM.--> Thank goodness - Amen.


How's that for a big long map of my thoughts over the past hour?

Bucket/To Do List -- Fall Semester 2010

... in no particular order of importance...


- read Mere Christianity
- choreography project
- Fulbright application
- study for/Take the GRE ={
- apply for Grad School...
- Critical Language Scholarship application
- visit the language lab
- start a Chinese phrasebook
- roadtrip to a Ballet Mag show
- wear a dress to a football game
- study with TCoop when I don't have a test the next day
- visit the enemy (Clemson)
- go swing dancing
- do my Russian homework on time... consistently
- meet new people on a regular basis
- speak to my neighbors
- give away things I don't need
- shop at goodwill
- budget my money
- read every psalm
- photo shoots...

I sing these words, but do I mean them?

I found myself really thinking about this the other day in the middle of

a worship service.  What do I hold dear, that I previously wasn't willing

to give up, and now I do?  Do I really count them as loss and wish to be

led the cross instead?  What are these things that I am willing to surrender 

just to be at the feet of my Savior, following him whether he gives me these things or not?

"Everything I once held dear, I count it all as loss..."

dance.

marriage.

acceptance.

reputation.

"perfect family" front.

image.

accomplishments.

friends.

blessings.

security.

prospect.

plans.

self-righteousness.

status.

"... lead me to the CROSS."

But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of knowing

Christ.  Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing

worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.                Philippians 3:7-8